Die Antwoord

My problem in life is that I'm interested in everything. I enjoy golf as much as I do combat pistol shooting. I get as much enjoyment out of reading the instructions on the side of a bag of cement as I do reading a novel. The same for music. I've recently come across a South African band called "Die Antwoord" (The Answer).

They're skanky and deviant and rude and brilliant. Above all, they're honest. I like them. A lot.

Here are links to two of their videos:
Die Antwoord - Zef Side
Die Antwword - I Fink You Freaky

South Africa - Quo Vadis?

The South Africans reading this will know, but some background for the buitelanders/foreigners/gaijin…

South Africa was warned about 10 years ago that electricity needs will outsrip supply by 2007. The far thinking government thought they’d worry about that in 2007. The power has run out. A week ago, all the gold and platinum mines closed for 5 days because electricity supply could not be guaranteed. Some economist just worked out that closing the mines for one day a month is enough to tip the country into a recession. Loadshedding is now normal. The effect on the economy has been instant and catastrophic. If the government goes on a spending spree of nte and gets top class construction companies to work 24/7 – it will still take 6 to 8 years before they can generate more power. So in the short to medium term, we are fucked.

Just spoke to a mate of mine in Jozi. Mittal Steel (the old Yskor) have declared Force Majeure, and will not be honouring their steel contracts. Because they can’t make enough. All the major steel distributors/traders have done the same. The supply they think will be 40% less than last year. Ja no well fine. You can imagine how a 40% reduction in steel will affect the economy. And of course steel is not the only thing affected. The whole economy is.

Is this the start of the long slow slide into mediocrity? Me thinks the slide started a long long time ago, even before 1994 and the new South Africa. Is a turnaround possible. Of course it is. But not if you’re going to be politically correct about it. I have this theory. After visiting/living in/working in so many third world countries, I’m sure if someone ran the country like a business things would be better. The MD (Thabo) gets a Toyota. If the country does well, he gets a bonus. If it does badly, he gets fired. Every department has to make a profit. Hey, they’re doing it in Dubai, and It’s not from oil revenues which are only 4% of their income. The dept that hands out visas for visitors is making $600m a year. Just because they’re efficient.

But I’m not sure if it’s possible where corruption is regarded as acceptable and medical officers olive oil and onions cure aids… then there’s the millions that don’t have work and have to steal to stay alive. How do you convince them that working 10 hours a day for $250 a month is better than earning a $1,000 for 5 minutes work when they steal the Beemer at the traffic lights from a Sandton Susan?

So what option do we have? Bitch and moan like pomms? Piss off like most of the educated? Or adapt, mutate and use the system – sell cheap Chinese generators to the masses, grow dope in your garden, sell submarines to Zuma, get a contract to supply the dept of health and welfare with olive oil and onions… and hope to hell this doesn’t become Zim two..

Another Rhino Story

This is also a true Rhino story. In the mid 90’s I was doing exploration in Kenya. We had a joint venture with a bunch of slimeballs from Europe. Their “man on the ground” was a Kenyan guy, a city slicker with not too many bush skills. He pretended a lot though.

We set him up in a camp in the Tsavo National park (the same one where a lion ate over a hundred labourers building the Mombasa-Nairobi railway at the turn of the century). He had a couple of tents, some labourers, a cook boy, a clothes washer, etc etc. Camping is done in a colonial style in East Africa. Tents are not the lightweight, synthetic tents we use for weekends away. These are proper tarpaulin tents, with beds and furniture inside. Each one weighs twice as much as a fat person and takes at least 8 people to erect. A typical tent would probably be at least 4m by 5m in size. His brief was to investigate mineralized zones in the park, and when I came down from Nairobi, he’d show me the most promising…

He was sitting in his tent (found out later that was about all he did), waiting for me to arrive, when this rhino wandered through the camp. The rest of the camp scattered, but he didn’t realize what had happened. The next moment the rhino stuck his head into the tent. Both of them got a hell of a fright. He screamed and dived under the back wall of the tent and ran for the bushes. The rhino charged, and suddenly found himself totally covered by a safari tent. I arrived there about 40 minutes later to witness a large, cream-coloured safari tent charging all over the camp sight, breaking everything in its path. The Rhino finally managed to extricate himself, trampled the tent a few times to make sure it was dead, and sauntered off into the bush.

East African roads

The road from Mwanza to Geita runs along the Southern end of Lake Victoria. But first you had to get a ferry over the sound. There was a private ferry company that operated out of Mwanza, and the government one that operated from a small landing further south. Both ferries were unpredictable, and the chances of you getting over to the other side on the day that you planned to, were about 40%.

Sometimes the ferry just didn’t arrive, or you’d get halfway across and either the diesel would run out, or the engines would crap themselves. This of course would result in an aimless drift on Lake Vic for a few hours. Or they could just sink. Most people sat on top of their Land Rovers (those that can swim) so they could jump free if the ferry turned turtle.

Once you get to the other side (Don’t pay the ferry man by Chris de Burgh comes to mind), the real journey begins. The road from here heads west to the mining town of Geita, and ultimately on to Ruanda/Burundi. It’s the main highway westwards. In summer, the 100km (60 mile) road to Geita takes 2 to 3 hours. In the rainy season, it becomes an adventure. Ever seen the camel trophy clips? This is worse. Nine hours to two days is normal. Potholes are often 6 feet deep and filled with water (Land Rovers don’t float well) and the clay on the roads from the weathered granites makes traction almost impossible.

Did you know Land Rovers have a built in leak? Right on your right foot. Little drips. Like Chinese torture. The engineers spent a lot of time designing it – it’s been in Land Rovers since I was a kid. And it still leaks. And the bonnet (hood) is specially designed to catch muddy water in a scoop-like design. When you brake, it all runs forward, and just as it starts to fall off the front, the wind scoops it up and deposits it right on top of the square windshield with the shitty little wiper blades that never work. Another cool design feature….

The bush war

The bush war in Angola lasted for more than twenty years, from 1966 to 1989. The result was that everyone was affected. You were there. Or your son was. Or you Dad fought there. As with most wars, less than 10% actually ended up shooting the rifles they were issued with - but it affected us all. This is a collection of pics taken by the people involved, they are grainy and shitty, but it's a reminder of a time long ago and far away.