Communists

A long long time ago I was in the army. Besides fighting with everyone who didn't believe in our ideology, we also fought the Russians, because they were (i) evil, (ii) not Christians and (iii) we had to prevent them from attaining world domination. Or something like that anyway. I don't think the government was too sure of it all either. Except for one thing. Communists were very very bad people, and they were hiding everywhere. Even under your bed.

Friday mornings was Battalion Parade. Every able bodied soldier had to be there to march in parade ground order, be inspected, be shat on by the RSM. The RSM for those who haven't been in the army, is the guy who knows he is god.

The night before I had been to a restaurant in town with a few guys from the regiment. The restaurant's decor consisted of flags from all over the world. So we borrowed one, after a fair amount of red wine. And hung it on the parade ground flagpole at 3 in the morning.

The next morning their were enough officers around to take part in the parade, so all I needed to do was stand on the edge of the parade ground just behind the commandant. We were halfway through the parade when the RSM (he controls the parade ground) saw the red flag with the hammer and sickle. I honestly thought he was going to die. No sense of humour the poor man. The whole parade shuddered to a halt. He would personally rip the head off the responsible individual and shit on his lungs. And then fuck his sister. And then rip his balls of and eat them for breakfast. Knowing the RSM, I was starting to feel a little uncomfortable - because he was quite capable of doing just that.

The flag was ripped of the flagpole, and after another 15 minutes of ranting the parade dissolved and the RSM witch hunt started. He never found the culprits. But that evening in the mess, the commandant bought me a beer. Didn't say a word though. Except call me a communist.